The Group Chat: Hot diggity dog

GISTers have been known to plan their summer travel around MLB’s best hot dogs. But as stadiums engage in an arms race of outrageous concessions, your options for gameday snacks have expanded way beyond peanuts and Cracker Jacks. Culinary maximalists, this one’s for you.

• Whether you’re planning ahead for destination baseball games (jealous) or watching from the sidelines as the options grow increasingly unhinged, here’s your guide to the delicious, kitschy, and just plain massive food offerings this MLB season.

⛴️ Trend #1: Paper baskets are so five years ago

Whimsical vessels that pay homage to a team’s host city are all the rage right now. Just look at the Seattle Mariners’ souvenir ferry basket, which honors one of the Emerald City’s biggest tourist attractions and offers built-in cupholders for sauces.

• Looking to beat the heat? Snag a refreshing watermelon-habanero margarita in the cutest mini jug cooler…if you’re willing to drop $40 on a cocktail at the LA Dodgers’ stadium. Or you could always take cover under the Texas Rangers’ cowboy hat that also holds your nachos.

• Speaking of hats, if you order the pierogi nachos at the Detroit Tigers’ stadium (yes, please), they come in a full-size batting helmet. Dinner and foul ball protection in one.

🤌 Trend #2: Weird or gourmet?

It’s unclear whether stadiums are targeting foodies or culinary thrill seekers with some of this season’s new unveilings. The NY Mets’ tiny pickle chip bucket drastically divided The GIST HQ, but Kosher dills are no match for the Houston Astros’ Crawford Dog pizza, which replaces the traditional pepperoni and marinara with slices of hot dog and mustard. Disturbing, yet oddly intriguing.

• The Arizona Diamondbacks are pulling out all the stops on the concessions front, starting with the Golden Hour Vibe: a peach-flavored Celsius mixed with mango and strawberry puree, topped with whipped cream, sprinkles, and a peach candy slice. Absolutely buzzing.

🍩 Trend #3: Reinventing the wheel donut

The league is obsessed with donuts, and teams have created some truly outlandish variations in an effort to stand out. Take the Astros’ brisket donut, the Colorado Rockies’ pizza donut, or the Cincinnati Reds’ donut parfait, which is actually 12 cinnamon-sugar donuts served with banana pudding, vanilla wafers, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, whipped cream, and caramel sauce. (Donut) hole-y moly.

• Then there’s the donut-inspired creations, like the Chicago Cubs’ chicken and churros, the Pittsburgh Pirates’ nutella beignets, and the Philadelphia Phillies’ Schwarbomb Sundae, named for slugger Kyle Schwarber and served with a deep-fried Uncrustable.

• And you simply can’t talk about outrageous MLB desserts without mentioning the NY Yankees’ viral and divisive “chicken bucket,” drumstick-shaped ice cream with a chocolate-covered cookie “bone,” coated with white chocolate and candied corn flakes. Speechless.

📈 Trend #4: Supersize it

The oldest trick in the MLB concessions book? Make it really freaking big. Tons of teams sell comically large meals, but the Diamondbacks lead the charge with their 128-ounce serving of nachos (yes, that’s eight pounds), footlong elote corndog, and souped-up Take Me Out to the Ballgame milkshake.

• Can there be too much of a good thing? The Rockies and Miami Marlins don’t think so, which is why they offer the Glizzilla, a one-pound, nearly two-foot-long hot dog and the Machete, a two-foot long carne asada quesadilla. These snacks are so unwieldy, they require custom carrying cases.

• And of course, there’s the infamous 9-9-9 Challenge: nine hot dogs and nine beers in nine innings. Five parks across the league are hopping on the (frankly nauseating and expensive) trend by offering mini versions — again, in custom carrying cases. Ready to lie down just thinking about it.