Slams laptop shut until 2024

The GIST: With Week 16 officially underway, only four calling birds teams — one in the American Football Conference (AFC) and three in the National Football Conference (NFC) — have clinched the 14 possible playoff spots.

• Now looking ahead, another four squads have a chance to lock it in by Christmas Day. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

AFC: The Miami Dolphins, Kansas City Chiefs, and Cleveland Browns can snag one of the AFC’s six remaining spots this week. An outright win from both Miami and Kansas City over the Dallas Cowboys and Las Vegas Raiders, respectively, would secure their seats, but it’s a smidge more complicated for Cleveland.

• Resurgent Browns quarterback Joe Flacco & Co. need a dub over the Houston Texans on Sunday and a few other games to fall their way in order to book their ticket.

NFC: When it comes to the Detroit Lions, this holiday weekend has way higher stakes than your Yankee Swap. A Sunday win over the Minnesota Vikings will secure their first division title since 1993, but if they come up short, they can still nail down a postseason spot (their first since 2016) with a Seattle Seahawks loss to the Tennessee Titans.

The GIST: 2024 plans? We’ve got ’em. Settle onto your couch on January 1st for the College Football Playoff (CFP) semis and watch four top-notch squads duke it out for a spot in January 8th’s national championship game.

The Rose Bowl: No. 1 Michigan Wolverines (13-0) vs. No. 4 Alabama Crimson Tide (12-1), 5 p.m. ET: Don’t let Michigan’s perfect record fool you — the Wolverines’ offense faltered late in the season and will need to play a nearly perfect game to beat the surging Tide. Expect a gritty, physical slugfest from start to finish.

The Sugar Bowl: No. 2 Washington Huskies (13-0) vs. No. 3 Texas Longhorns (12-1), 8:45 p.m. ET: Both squads boast stellar quarterbacks (QBs) — Washington’s Michael Penix Jr. was this year’s Heisman Trophy runner-up, and Texas’ Quinn Ewers is an early favorite for next year — so tough D will be crucial. You know what they say about defense and championships, after all…

The consolation game: There’s a jam-packed schedule of bowl games to keep you locked in throughout the holiday break, but put the Orange Bowl at the top of your watchlist. Both No. 5 Florida State and No. 6 Georgia are steamed about failing to make the CFP, so they’ll take their anger out on each other at 4 p.m. ET on Saturday, December 30th.

🏀 NBA: Toronto Raptors vs. Philadelphia 76ers — Tonight at 7 p.m. ET — Sportsnet One

• All we want for Christmas is for the Raptors to turn the clock back to 2019 and find a way to beat their Eastern Conference rivals, scoring machine Joel Embiid and the Sixers.

⛹️ NBA: Detroit Pistons vs. Brooklyn Nets — Tomorrow at 7:30 p.m. ET — NBA League Pass

• The Pistons extended their losing streak to 25 games with last night’s loss to the Utah Jazz, and are one L away from tying the all-time single-season losing streak of 26 straight. History in the making?

🏒 IIHF World Junior Championship: No. 2 Finland vs. No. 1 Canada — Tuesday, December 26th at 8:30 a.m. ET — TSN

• Amidst the ongoing off-ice drama, the red and white begin the Boxing Day festivities and their quest for a third-straight title with a rematch of the 2022 final.

❄️ NHL Winter Classic: Vegas Golden Knights vs. Seattle Kraken — January 1st at 3 p.m. ET — Sportsnet

• “New year, new me,” Seattle’s T-Mobile Park, probably. The baseball field will transform into a rink when the Kraken host the Stanley Cup champion Knights for the annual outdoor game. Ringing in 2024 right.

The Buffalo Bills are peaking at the right time. Their massive 31–10 win over the Dallas Cowboys last Sunday brings their record to 8-6, significantly increasing their chances of making the playoffs.

• And with a matchup against the LA Chargers, a team fresh off firing their head coach and general manager, in Week 16, it’s a good time to be a Bills fan…and a Bills bettor.

Last Friday’s newsletter recommended a winning FanDuel bet (!!!) that combined the Buffalo moneyline (to win) with under 49.5 total points scored.

• This week, we suggest firing up another same game parlay that combines the Bills moneyline, the game finishing with under 42.5 total points, and has Bills star running back James Cook finding the end zone. Time to let him Cook.